Wanting What I Have

Here is a little help for the Grumpies, if they have set in and you are feeling a bit hopeless and bleh about things (like I have been lately).

It’s possible your Grumpies showed up because of the heat. It’s supposed to reach 110 degrees Monday in Sacramento, and Death Valley could see the hottest temperature ever recorded on the planet soon. Or maybe our endless Northern California fire season and drought have you down. Or maybe it’s some other comparable weather catastrophe where you live that is making you crabby. Because doesn’t the weather seem to be acting up everywhere?

It could also be the  sudden start to the school year (although unfortunately for some reason the school year starts suddenly every year.) One day it’s summer! The next day? It’s not! What a terrible plan! Wouldn’t it be nice to ease into it a little more? Like two-day school weeks at least for August, and then three days the first week of September, and then finally, a jump to five days after Labor Day?)

All this global stuff is overwhelming. And then there are the Grumpies I get when I spend time on social media and (even though I know better)  compare my life to others. Sure, the lives we curate for social media are generally big, fat fantasies. But still! Some people seem to be getting so much done!  And they love telling the rest of us about it, especially the self-proclaimed “influencers” who annoy me so much but who I still follow (a little) anyway.

Thankfully, I listened to a podcast this week that helped lift some of my Grumpies. It didn’t change the difficult circumstances that we all are living through.  But it shifted my perspective and brought some light to my week. Here’s the question it raised for me:

What if, instead of focusing on all the things I think I want that I don’t have,  I decide (Really. Make a conscious decision) to focus on the things I want that I do have?  How would that be?

Because my life is full of so many blessings, so many gifts.

(I think all our lives are.)

What do I want that I already have? The list is endless.

I want to write, and I want a place to share my writing, and I somehow figured out a way to do that with this blog. And even more, I have people who are faithfully reading and commenting.  What a gift that is.  (Like you! Look at you, reading this far! What a beautiful thing. And thank you!)

And while my house might not be the cleanest or most uncluttered or stylishly, I definitely want a house, and (Gloriosky Zero!), I have one!  It’s a blessing to have a place to live, even if it’s older and never going to appear in the pages of “Good Housekeeping” or “Sunset” magazine. (Funny that I never felt bad about my house or decorating at all,  until I glanced through a issue of “Good Housekeeping” recently and was informed that my style is apparently very much “dated.” Another reason to stay away from both social media and magazines, I guess. Also, I decided not to renew that subscription. So there.)

I want good friends, and guess what? I have those, too! What would I do without these women who save my life, sometimes daily?  I want a good job, a way to serve people and help support my family, and I have that. Where would I be without Mercy Center? I want a car, a way to transport us from place to place so that we can do what we need to do. And I have one.

Hummingbirds. Wildflowers and a new batch of wildflower seeds for next spring. A sunflower that the birds planted that is blooming outside my kitchen window. A kitchen table rescued from the Salvation Army store years ago. A  dog named Biscuit who sleeps on his pillow next to the kitchen table. A smart phone with helpful apps, like the Nike Running Club app, filled with great coaching that helps me run, even when I don’t feel like it. Plants flourishing in the front window and house plant fertilizer sticks that nourish them. Leftover taco meat from my dinner with friends the other night to go with my morning eggs.  A floppy hat to protect my head when I’m gardening. A daughter who called just now to ask which coffee shop she should go to for a morning treat while she’s visiting a friend from high school at that friend’s college. A son who helps me carry my clean massage sheets and lunch bag and purse out to the car every morning.

All things I want; all things I have.

Even writing about these here makes me happy. Like maybe the Grumpies could be banished, never to return!

I wish. But at least if I remember this trick, to stop and look at all the things I want that I already have, it helps me. It helps me remember all that is light, even in these days of deepening shadow.