I walked a lot last year during the pandemic. I met my goal of 6500 steps just about every day without any problem. In fact, I had many months in 2020 and at the start of this year where I logged considerably more than 200,000 steps a month. My best month, according to my phone step counter, was May 2020, when I walked more than 240,000 steps. That’s an average of at least 7500 steps, every day of the month.
Recently, my pandemic self, who walked a lot, started to look back on my pre-pandemic self a little harshly. What was wrong with me before? I thought. Why were there so many days on my earlier walking calendars where I didn’t get 3000 steps in, much less 6500? There were even days when I failed to make it to 2000 steps. How was that possible? My pandemic self was proud of my commitment to walking and decided that perhaps one of the gifts of the pandemic for me was the gift of discipline! Of showing up for myself in a healthier, more positive way!
Today, I only have 1638 steps on my app. There is no way I will meet my goal. And while I am a little disappointed in myself, I am starting to remember why there were so many days in my pre-pandemic life when I didn’t get all my steps in.
I was busy. Also? I was tired.
So today, I would like to offer my 2019 pre-pandemic self (and my current self), a bit of grace. The reason I’m not getting my steps in is not because I’m lazy or that I’m not showing up for myself. It’s because I am working. A lot. My pandemic self wasn’t doing 6 massages a day and driving to work half an hour each way.
My pandemic self was told to stay home and socially distance and work in the yard.
And while it was stressful at the time, in some ways, it was (I hate to admit it) kind of nice.
Certainly, it is good to be back at work. It is good to be back in groups again. But it is also strange, because this Delta variant is causing mask mandates to go back up in some communities. We all hoped that the pandemic might truly be over in mid-June when the “stay at home” order was officially lifted. But people are still getting sick (even the fully vaccinated). People are still dying.
So apparently the pandemic is with us, as are occasional (and increasing?) mask mandates. But we are not supposed to stay safe at home anymore. We are supposed to go back out into the world, to do all the things that we used to do, except we now have to do them while shouldering this strange burden of life under the pandemic’s shadow.
This might be part of the reason why I did not get my steps in today. That, and the fact that I worked. Even so, my not-quite-post pandemic self is grateful for the walking habit that my pandemic self established. I am more cognizant of my daily walking now. Though I didn’t meet my goal today, I walked more than my pre-pandemic self would have. I made a point to do a few extra laps around the parking lot between massages. It wasn’t enough to get me close to my goal, but it was what I could do with the time that I had. And that has to be enough. Because, tell me, what more can I do?
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