A Word with My Inner Drill Sergeant

Sunset and snow photo, courtesy of my daughter. Just because it’s beautiful.

Sometimes it feels like there is a stern, sour-faced drill sergeant living in my head. This sergeant has a running list of things that I need to accomplish every day. I never seem to make it to the end of that list, even on days when I get a lot done. Possibly his list is bordering on the infinite.

It would be nice to figure out a way to help my drill sergeant relax. To pull up a chair and sit with him and ask why he keeps pressuring me to do more and more, and also why it seems like I never do enough. I’d like him to understand that these are strangely challenging times that possibly require more rest and microwave popcorn than usual.

I was thinking about this earlier this week, because it was raining and I had subbed at the little school up the road. It wasn’t a difficult sub day. It was actually a great day! So my inner drill sergeant was telling me that I should go outside and exercise, that the day was young, that there was lots of time left to do important things. (“You say you want to run, remember? So go on now! Run!”)

But I was tired. I was tired because of the rain and because it was Valentine’s Day and that can be a stinky holiday when you are home by yourself (even though home is one of my favorite places, and I did get an invitation to play bingo up at the community center with friends, so theoretically I didn’t have to be alone).

I did get out for a walk (but definitely not a run, my inner drill sergeant chided me) after I got home from my substitute day, because I thought the rain had stopped. The rain had not stopped. Biscuit and I clomped along and both of us got wet and I didn’t go as long as I had hoped, and when I finally got back, I put on my pajamas, because they were warm and comfortable, even though it was only 4:30 in the afternoon. Which made the odds of actually going to bingo, which started at a reasonable evening time, not so great, because it would have meant getting dressed again. So I made microwave popcorn and sat on the red couch and spent the next few hours binge watching the final few episodes of Season Two of the Lincoln Lawyer.

It turned out to be a restful, wonderful change of pace.

Of course, my inner drill sergeant was not pleased about this, but thankfully I didn’t care. I needed the rest.

So maybe these are days when it will be important to have regular talks with my inner drill sergeant. To thank him for his service, because he helps me get things done, but also to let him know that rest is important. Because the flood of Trump/Vance/Musk/Putin news is distressing and could overwhelm me if I do not take time to be still and remember that there is always hope, that I am not alone. The reality is that millions of people did not vote for Trump (and nobody voted for Musk). I have a sneaking suspicion that some who did are now wishing they hadn’t. I hope so anyway.

Jesus talks a lot about not being afraid. Fear can come calling for me every time I open my newsfeed. So I remember that my trust is not in Trump. As best as I can, I try to stay rooted in the present moment. To watch the rain fall. To drink my Bengal Spice tea. To pet Biscuit who is on the blanket at my feet. This moment? Everything is OK. So many things that I worry about have not happened yet. So many things I have worried about over the years never happened at all. Which reminds me of something else that Jesus said: “Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Oh yes. That’s right. Words to remember, especially in times like these.