Presence

Tokyo Dispatch

August 31, 2024

I ran across a headline for an old New Yorker article on my Facebook feed yesterday. (Facebook must realize I am traveling.)  It said, “Travel turns us into the worst version of ourselves while convincing us that we’re at our best.”

I’ve been in Tokyo for five days now. Unfortunately, I think the author has a point. Because I am noticing parts of myself that are not so pleasant. Honestly, though? That’s not a bad thing. Turns out that travel is a handy shortcut and a strange gift in that it nudges my Shadow out into the light. But as to the author’s other point: I am nowhere close to my “best” right now, whatever that is supposed to be. (And even the concept of best? That’s Shadow talking and ego popping up. Interesting, no?)

My Shadow side, my ego, is very good at trying to stay shiny and bright while at home, in my day-to-day normal interactions. I am pleasant and (relatively) competent. All that can disappear when suddenly I am dealing with a 10 hour flight and a 16 hour time difference and the absence of much that is familiar, including the ability to make any sense out of written language. In this new place, I do not know how to run the bathtub and the directions are in Japanese.  I cannot read menus or figure out how to work the fancy toilet. Eventually, through trial and error? I get it (the toilet. Not the menus. Unless they have pictures. Pictures help). But not right away. Which is frustrating and uncomfortable and disorienting.

Anything that feels frustrating, uncomfortable and disorienting? Shadow’s there.

Travel shines a spotlight on ego.

Also? The people that I love most in the world? They are very annoying at times while traveling! This is something that has been constant in all of my trips. I think my traveling companions might even say the same about me, their sweet friend or mother.

So becoming aware of  Shadow is a gift, albeit a rough one. But if I can learn to sit with all those things that make me uncomfortable, angry, annoyed, tired? Sit with them without trying to change them, but somehow, maybe even welcome them? Well. That’s all right then.

But of course, and thankfully,  Shadow viewing is not the only gift of travel.

For me, seeing how life goes on quite nicely for people who live in entirely different ways from anything I’ve ever seen or used to.  The way we do things in my little town, in my state and country? Not the only way, people. Not the only way at all.

And  of course, there is much to love about this place, about all the places I’ve been blessed to visit. Culture, sights, thousands of years of history, and the food!  Other random things I’m noticing and appreciating about Tokyo: how the streets are so clean, even though there are very few trashcans around. Our cities have trashcans everywhere, but also, trash! How is that possible that this city is so clean? I love that there are vending machines with cold water and drinks everywhere. Also, next to those machines? Recycle bins with very stern signs about NOT putting other trash there. And people don’t.

I love that the convenience stores have entire meals on plates that you can pick up and take home and that they are reasonably priced. I love that the subway system and the above ground train system move us around so affordably, that there really is no need to drive. I love that the subway announcements are not only in Japanese but also in English. I do not know how we would get around without that English translation. I love that you can purchase just about anything you need at the convenience stores. Not just food, but also umbrellas! Which came in handy yesterday when it was very rainy. And the umbrellas did not fall apart in the wind. Miracle. I love that I can take a bath and fill up the oversized tub and not have one second of guilt about using too much water, which is something I struggle with in my beloved drought-prone California, which is why I hardly ever take baths and keep my showers short.

More on this later when I’ve had a chance to process it all, and also possibly when I am slightly less jetlagged.  But really? So good to be here. And the chance to do a little Shadow work at the same time? Priceless.

Daily Humiliation, Presence

Road Construction: a Shadowland Dispatch

August 17, 2024

Some of the construction equipment that showed up on my street this week. In my parking area, I might add.

The power company is burying our town’s powerlines. This is great! It will help minimize potential fire starts from downed powerlines. But the only way for the power company to bury our town’s powerlines is to first tear up the roads. Because that’s where the new lines go, under the roads!

This was not clear to me at the beginning of the process.

I understand now, though.

The main road in and out of our town has been a gravelly disaster for a few weeks now. Of course, it’s only half of the road that’s a mess. I confess that a few of us have taken to driving on the wrong side when we are coming home at the end of the day, which is probably not such a good idea.

I knew about the road construction and the one-lane road out of town the other day when I was heading to my weekly Centering Prayer gathering. I left in plenty of time. Maybe I would even arrive a few minutes early! I asked the nice road construction sign holder at the end of my street if he knew what was going on further up the road, on the section between my house and the freeway. He said it might be better to take the long way around.

I thought about it, but decided that my usual route would be OK, since it was early in the morning.

He was right. I was wrong.

I was stopped a little ways up the road, where I sat for at least twenty minutes, maybe more. By the time we were finally on our way again, there was a line of traffic behind me, reaching halfway down the hill, possibly the biggest backup in our town’s history. I was ten minutes late for prayer.

Since I was on my way to Centering Prayer, you would hope that I would have handled this delay well. Because my friends wouldn’t mind much if I came in late; it happens to all of us sometimes. And the whole point of my morning was contemplative prayer and peace!

I did not handle the delay well.

I was not like the lady in the car in front of me, who chatted with the “Stop” sign holder. They had the nicest conversation! She even gave the lady who was holding the sign a pear, probably organic and from her garden. That driver was not concerned at all with how much time it was taking. The two of them smiled and laughed.

I watched them smile and laugh. This irritated me even more. Continue Reading…