No Free Lunch

Daffodils in February. Beautiful sight. Except (you know), it’s a little early and (as always) we need the rain. Incidentally, this photo has nothing to do with the writing that follows. But it made me happy. So there’s that.

When I started substitute teaching at my town’s little K-8 school, they told me that I could have hot lunch for free if I wanted. School lunches aren’t fancy, but they are a bright spot in what can sometimes be a long work day. There’s chocolate milk, carrot sticks, orange and apple slices. The entrée is usually a hot dog, or hamburger, or some kind of chicken-y thing: a breaded patty or nuggets.

The school is looking for a new lunch lady. Maybe the official title is “Director of Nutritional Operations” or something like that. The last one quit a few days ago.

While they are searching for a replacement, the head of the county’s nutrition services department has occasionally been filling in. It must be quite a drive for her, to come 25 or so miles up the hill everyday from the town where the county school offices are, just to ensure that our kids are getting their lunches. We are grateful, of course. It’s an important job.

Lunch the other day was hamburgers.

She stopped me when I went to grab a plate.

“Free lunch is a federal program that is only for students,” she informed me. “If teachers would like to eat, we can institute a program where you would pay.”

Are you familiar with Brene Brown’s work and that “flush of shame” that we get when we are embarrassed in front of others?

I had that the other day.

Not that my students behind me in line even noticed. They pretty much ignore us adults.

But being singled out like that? It felt pretty bad.

So apparently there is a rule against teachers getting school lunches, a policy that wasn’t clear at my school. And of course, I sure didn’t know it (it’s very possible I misunderstood the “free lunch” benefit); if I had, I never would have boldly and happily walked up to grab a hamburger.

Substitute teaching is not turning out to be the easiest job ever. I genuinely like these kids. But they are tricky sometimes, and have been known to sneak into the cafeteria if the door isn’t locked to grab granola bars or fruit snacks. They also are crafty with their Chromebooks and can flip from their assigned work to unblocked games so quickly it will make your head spin, especially if there is a substitute teacher in the room.

So for me, once I make it to lunch time, which is about halfway through the day,  a hamburger or hot dog is a small bright spot. It makes you feel, just a little, that the system sees you and appreciates you. A few baby carrots. A bite of cheese. You matter. You are valued. Here, have something to eat. Take it back to the classroom, and sit for a few minutes. Gather up energy for the rest of the day.

Or not.

At least, not the other day.