Maybe the Fertile Void Was Fertile After All

Power tools helped me move out of the “fertile void” this year.

I wrote about the “fertile void” a few times this year, because frankly that was the kind of year it was. The idea of the “fertile void” was first used in Gestalt therapy, and it describes times in our lives that are marked by major transitions, emptiness, confusion, or feelings of being lost and untethered. The flip side of the void, therapists say, is that all that angst can work for our good, because it leads us to new possibilities and helps us grow.

It is not a comfortable place, the void. But as this year draws to a close, I think that my void is lessening and that the light is returning, which is a nice realization, especially since today is the Winter Solstice. Starting tomorrow, there will be a little more light each day until summer. Soon, it won’t be dark before 5:00 pm anymore, and I’ll be able to walk at the park after work. There will be more time to be outside, to tame the blackberries, to tend the shrubs and trees. Time outside keeps me grounded (literally and figuratively, I guess), and is a vital part of my mental health. I don’t think I can ever get too much of it.

There are a few ways that the void has been diminishing for me lately. I never imagined at the beginning of the year that I would move my massage practice away from Mercy Center, where I worked for more than twelve years, but the space I found in a local chiropractor’s office right up the street from the Center has been a gift. I’ve continued to work with my own clients (including many of my favorite quilters) and with chiropractic patients too. More business has been good!

I completed a rough draft of my book, “Ordinary Holy: Searching for Grace in the Everyday.” It took years! Somehow, I slogged through to the end. I ordered rough copies from a self-publishing company and should receive them soon. After a final edit, it will be ready for the outside world.

I figured out ways to take care of my yard by myself. In past years, I relied on a local landscape contractor, but because of financial constraints, I needed to do more of the work myself. I bought a weedeater and used it. I bought new clippers and used them, too. Most recently, I purchased a small chainsaw. A chainsaw! It won’t take down trees, but it will cut branches and do odd jobs. Yes, I will be careful. A few of my friends have  expressed concern that I could get into trouble with a chainsaw, but I assured them that I would buy and use appropriate safety gear. Power tools are emPOWERing me!

Most importantly? Friendships blossomed this year, largely because of some of the difficult times that I went through. The difficult times, the void? They brought me someplace new, someplace where I am growing, someplace with new light.

The void is making it possible.

I still am not a fan of it, but I am hoping that the next time everything seems like it is falling apart, when I am plunged back down into uncertainty, that I will remember these months, and trust that I am still being held and that there is a good plan at work. It’s not my plan, because I never would have worked things out this way. But I think it may turn out to be better than anything I would have dreamed on my own, better than anything I could have imagined.