Better

Daffodils blooming at the park in town. Still a little early to see them at my house. Maybe another month? Still, they feel like hope.

It is a big blessing to finally feel better after being sick.

It’s not like you’d ever go out of your way to get sick on purpose, just so you could experience the joy of feeling better. But it is a gift, albeit a strange one, to wake up and realize that you are going to be OK. That you can reenter the land of the living.

When you are sick on the couch, you think about the outside world: how people are going about their business (buying milk, ordering sushi, filling their gas tanks).  You hear cars on the street and wonder how it is that people feel healthy enough to go places. All  those normal activities seem so improbable to you.  Even more difficult to believe is the fact that you were also out there, just a few days ago, part of the world doing normal things. You had no idea how lucky you were. You never suspected that in a few days you would be marooned on the couch, would have to cancel a week’s worth of work appointments, and that suddenly even a walk up to the post office would be as difficult as running a marathon without a day of training.

Then you start to feel better.  It’s a slow process, but steady. You make it through the night without needing cough medicine. You go through the day without taking Advil.  Soon, you make it out of the house to the car and are grateful you remember how to drive. Then, a trip to the supermarket, and finally,  back to work (an easy day to start. But still, it is work all the same.)  You tell yourself that you will remember. You will remember how terrible it was to be sick. How hopeless and forlorn you felt. How grateful you are to feel better.

But you know that you will forget. Life will come crashing back. The gentle way you handled your daily tasks in the days after your illness will fade, especially as you feel better and better. You will push yourself a little harder, then a little harder, then harder still. Hopefully not so hard that you get sick again. But that’s always a possibility, and honestly? Someday, you will.  You will get sick again. Because you are human, and humans are susceptible and frail, and sickness is an unfortunate, unavoidable part of life.

(Just hopefully not anytime soon, because you’ve had quite enough of being sick lately, thank you very much.)

(And still very grateful to be feeling better tonight.)