Presence, Security

Not Alone

May 24, 2025

It is 7:15 pm on Saturday evening, and 7:15 pm on a Saturday is much too late to begin writing a blog post. But if I do not start now, there will be no post. Probably that would be fine. Except writing the post is something I can do on a Saturday night when I am home alone that makes me feel better.

I hate to keep telling you that I’ve been a little sad lately. “This seems to be lasting awhile,” my friend said to me the other day.

Yes, she is right.

I could feel bad about that. But to feel bad about the sad? That is silly, like unnecessarily heaping additional coals of gloominess onto my already sorrowful head.

I’ve shared before that I am a Rob Bell fan. Bell wrote “Love Wins” a few years ago (great book) and has a podcast called “the RobCast” which I’ve faithfully listened to for years. A few weeks back I signed up for his Patreon account. He’s doing a thing on Patreon where he reads sections of whatever he’s writing. He’s shared three parts of a book he’s working on called “Skinbags and Spacesuits.” In Part Two, he said, “I feel sad. Often. I wake up and it’s just there. It usually feels like a wave. It comes in and passes through and then eventually it goes.”

The fact that Rob Bell admits that he also feels sad, and often? That makes me feel a little better, like it’s a reminder that I’m not alone with these big emotions.

(I’m sure some of you would also reassure me that I am not alone with these big emotions, because you have been feeling them too.)

It’s the political situation (and yes, Kilmar Abrego Garcia is still in prison in El Salvador after being wrongfully deported more than two months ago) and there’s Trump’s horrific “big beautiful bill,” along with a lot of general uncertainty. What will happen to fire insurance premiums this year? Will State Farm continue to cover my home or will they drop me like they have so many others? If they do continue my coverage, what will it cost next year? And the year after that?

Possibly I am hungry now and this Whole30 elimination diet that I’ve already mentioned many times is not allowing me to buffer my emotions with popcorn, mild cheddar cheese, and dark chocolate (because no sugar, dairy or grains for 30 days). I could really use one of those Costco sized bags of Skinny Pop right now. Would maybe devour the entire thing. Continue Reading…

Presence

Poppies, Hummingbirds, Roses and Tears

May 17, 2025

My Mother’s Day bouquet

I find myself crying at strange times these days. The tears come in waves, sometimes in the shower for no apparent reason, sometimes when I’m driving if a particular song shows up on my Spotify playlist.

The news cycle batters me. I think that is what they are hoping for, whoever they are. I try to remember the things that troubled me, even a few weeks ago, but that I seem to have almost forgotten. Is Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia still in prison in El Salvador? Is anything being done to help him?

I didn’t write here last week. It was Mother’s Day weekend. I miss my Mom. I miss my kids. I am so happy for my children, that they are out in the world living their lives. I had loving phone calls with both of them, but there was no way to see them in person, which on an ordinary Sunday would not make me feel even the slightest bit of melancholy. But because it was Mother’s Day? There was a little of that. Just a touch. Unnecessary sadness, if you ask me.

Mother’s Day is a difficult holiday. I like Anne Lamott’s take on it, where she says that “Mother’s Day celebrates a huge lie about the value of women: that mothers are superior beings, that they have done more with their lives and chosen a more difficult path. Ha! Every woman’s path is difficult, and many mothers were as equipped to raise children as wire monkey mothers. I say that without judgment.”

My friend has a beautiful garden; her roses are blooming magnificently this year. She picked me a Mother’s Day bouquet. They are on my kitchen table now, hovering over my computer screen. If I lean forward, I can smell their sweetness. Continue Reading…